Sweepers gonna sweep.
Santa has visited early this year, and has brought a Lego Advent calendar. There are 24 little numbered doors, each containing a dime bag of Legos. There’s a new toy or doodad to build every day, which, in turn, builds anticipation for Christmas.
I will build these and attempt to discern what they are.
December 10: Punk Rock Curler
One Saturday I took a walk to Zipperhead
I met a girl there
And she almost knocked me dead
Punk rock girl please look at me
Punk rock girl what do you see?
Let’s travel round the world
Just you and me punk rock girl
She’s dressed pretty rad and has the ‘tude to go with it. She has seriously Manic Panicked her hair, and curling is pretty cool—easily in my top three games that feature yelling and ice brushing.
Ease of Build ★★★★★
The people are all easy to build.
I’m not going to claim full understanding here, but she’s clearly a punk rocker with that studded belt and skull buckle. The broom sure makes her look like she’s about to play a game of curling, as one of the people who brush the ice in front of the stones for seemingly no reason while getting screamed at. I guess she could be a punk rock janitor, but that’s nowhere near as fun as a Canadian ice bocce player.
Extra Parts ★☆☆☆☆
Today for extra parts, we have one spare scarf. This is a terrible prize. Can you imagine showing up at a Dead Milkmen concert (presumably at an ice rink so that you can roll stones to “Bitchin’ Camaro”) and having someone else wearing the same chartreuse scarf as you? The whole point of wearing a set of neon green leopard print pajamas with a magenta jacket and accessorizing with Rob Halford’s belt, the Joker’s gloves, and Cyndi Lauper’s scarf is so that you can be your unique self.
In the Venn diagram between punks and granite sweepers, the circles only touch at one point, and that point is Punk Rock Curler. I don’t get it, but at least it doesn’t make me irrationally angry. Is there cosmic curling? Like cosmic bowling—that thing where you bowl under black lights and laser beams while the fog machines bellow. She seems tricked out for that. Or maybe she just takes her broom to punk shows in case people get out of line, like Ian Faith does with his cricket bat in This is Spinal Tap. If the trend continues, there may be more information tomorrow.